If A + B = B + C, then A = C

How is it that the religious anti-abortionists believe it is their right to interfere with the free will of others?  It seems to me that if you take your lead from God, then you can't justify the intervention.  In other words, if God does not intervene on behalf of innocents, then why would a follower of God?  Just wondering.

The Biggest Mistake

Waiting.  Waiting is a mistake.  Waiting is not patience.  Patience is something you have as you maneuver your plans to an outcome.  Waiting is something you do when you have  no control over the outcome.  The mere act of waiting for a job, waiting for happiness, waiting for success, waiting for someone else to meet your expectations, waiting for resolution, etc. will not deliver the thing for which you wait into your lap.  It might come but that is luck.  Luck is good to have but it is not something to rely upon in order to have a life well lived.

Don’t wait.  Time will leave you behind.  Seize the day.

Belief

A belief is a wish that the believer elevates to the status of fact without a shred of hard evidence.

Heroism

Underneath lies told to protect a new beginning is a story of heroism. Not many people successfully save themselves from the lowliest of starts filled with abuse and shame. Yet I am in the presence of someone who did just that and while saving herself she saved me, too. I have a newly found understanding of the puzzle that has been our lives.

Bravissima.

The Hoarding Gene

Grandmother was a hoarder -- a hoarder of junk. Really. Junk. Luckily, Grandmother was poor. Being poor, she could only accumulate so much. Mother is a hoarder. Mother is not poor and that has created shocking mountains in every room and various areas of the yard. Some junk. Some nice things. The nice, usable things are becoming not nice and not usable. The clutter of countless tschotskes is overwhelming. The master bedroom is a hazard zone. The bathroom counter is a mountain of makeup and moisturizers covered in an inch of dust. Nuts.

Now I feel the pull of hoarding. I look around and realize it has already begun. Scary. A little self examination makes me realize that I am a particular kind of hoarder -- a hoarder of information. I have books and magazines out the wazoo. What does this stuff mean to me? Again, self-examination reveals that the things I hoard represent opportunity. Nuts.

Today I started to release things. Roads not taken are roads long gone. Get over it.

Truth

I harbor no ill feeling toward she who lied to me. I understand. She was horribly damaged at a tender age. That damaged child lurks just beneath the surface of a grown woman. I see that child occasionally. As I have gotten older I can't help but feel compassion for her.

That said, I deserve the truth. I may not know the gory details of bad acts but I know enough. None of that matters anymore.

“You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32) I am not a religious person but this passage resonates with me anyway.

Keep Moving

Though the hour is late because so many who knew the truth are now dead, I am rushing to pursue what little might be left. It is really a tremendous betrayal when the key person shaping your life lies by omission, misinformation, or manipulation. I anchored part of my identity in her lies. My spirit now floats untethered in a vacuum yet I keep moving to find solid ground.

Unexpected

For many decades I have been told a story - a lie. Even though I have been able to piece part of the truth together over the years, I am taken aback by the sudden loss of a basic belief. I don't really know why this is. I have known that I couldn't be sure of the truth. Still, my relative position in the world seems to have changed. I am unable to name what I am feeling. I am a little numb.

God?

If God is willing to prevent evil but not able, then He is not omnipotent.

If He is able but not willing, then He is malevolent.

If God is both willing and able, then whence cometh evil?

If He is neither able nor willing, then why call Him God? -- Epicurus 341 B.C.E. - 270 B.C.E

Mass Manipulation

My favorite quotation regarding manipulation is by Herrman Goering, Nazi and president of the Reichstag from 1932 to 1945.

"Naturally, the common people don't want war; neither in Russia nor in England nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship or a Parliament or a Communist dictatorship. ...voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to "the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

I've witnessed the use of this principle in U. S. politics. By the way, my point here is not about war but about methods used to keep the public that has questions quiet.

Funeral Postponed

Hantavirus didn't develop. Funeral postponed. Whew!

Cognitive Dissonance & Apologetics

Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort one feels when one's beliefs are in conflict with information that brings one's beliefs into doubt. The theory suggests that the believer will look to apologetics in order to maintain a belief to which there is considerable evidence debunking the belief.

Cognitive dissonance and apologetics are partners in keeping the sheep faithful most notably in politics, family, and religion.

Religious Affiliation

As I have often said, one's religious affiliation has more to do with geography than theology. Those born in India are likely to be be Hindu, those born in Europe are likely to be one of the Christian denominations, etc. This concept is ridiculously obvious but so undervalued by the practitioners of various mythologies it makes me shake my head.

A Personal Mystery

I have a history of a certain disconnectedness that I don't really fully understand myself. I feel certain that it has something to do with some aspect of emotional maturity that has not fully developed in me but I can't really identify exactly where to look for the missing pieces. Where is the key to unlock the door to my personal mystery?

Tenuous Connections

One of the characteristics of the human brain is to make connections between things. This ability to make connections is significant to our ability to excel as a species. However, it has downside. Specifically, this tendency is the primary factor in our finding connections where none really exists. For example, primitive people believe that natural disasters are somehow related to human behavior. The volcano erupts to punish the behavior of those living in its shadow. The tsunami kills guided by the intelligence of a vengeful god. The job offer didn't manifest itself so "it was not meant to be." Prayer cures the deserving.

Part of understanding our perceptions is being aware of our "wiring". That awareness can save us from grasping at fantasies we use to explain the unexplainable random occurrences of life.

Vicarious Success

Parenting is a bittersweet experience. Once you have a child, a significant part of your heart leaves your body with that child. Unbeknown to him, he is now in charge of that piece of you. His successes and failures are your successes and failures in a way. These words are easily "understood" but the depth of the feeling is truly unknowable unless you have this experience.

I miss seeing my son now that he lives in another state. Today, he leased a condo near his college. He didn't come home for the summer except for the 24 hours it took to come and get his car. Of course, I want him to spread his wings and fly. However, this week with the signing of the condo lease I realize my son, a second-year college student, is never coming home again except for the occasional short visit. The fact that he is self-confident and competent is a great success for both of us.

I rejoice through my tears.

Startled

Today I went out to corral my animals for their semi-annual visit from the vet. I took a bucket out with me that had the halters and the lead ropes in it. I noted that there were mouse dropping in the bottom. So I went to rinse the bucket out with a hose. The hose nozzle spurted water out forcefully creating a mist of water and mouse urine right in my face. I breathed in that nasty mist and it burned. Holy crap! All I can think of is hantavirus.

The vet laughed. He said it was nice knowing me and he promised to come to my funeral.

So much for my embarkment! Ha!

Embarkment

This is the beginning of a stream of consciousness, my consciousness. It is an edited diary, of sorts. It swings from the mundane to even me to the profound to possible only me for that is the stuff of my own life.

One never knows where a path will lead. This path is no different for it is also an experiment. What do I mean by "experiment"? Do I have anything to say of interest to anyone? Time will tell. Does it matter? In the big scheme of things, it does not. Will it entertain even me? This is hard to say as I am a serial experimenter; some things stick but most do not. Why bother? From where I sit, I can't seem grasp where I am going. I find myself in limbo which is not where I want to be. I am hoping I will recognize something on the page that I miss as the thoughts and activities of my life flit by.

Extemporaneous ramblings may have been a better title.